


champagne problems

by asmileyoucouldbottle



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: (or just in general bc it makes me cry when i think of these two), Angst, Champagne, Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift songfic, Drinking & Talking, Evermore - Freeform, F/F, Guilt, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, POV Catra (She-Ra), Song: champagne problems (Taylor Swift), but i def suggest listening while reading, diffidently can be enjoyed/read if you don't know or like the song, rated t bc it says the f word a bit fdsjfsd, takes place in season 4, uhh tw bc catra p much has a breakdown at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmileyoucouldbottle/pseuds/asmileyoucouldbottle
Summary: someone finds a bottle of champagne while going through shadow weaver's old stuff, and catra and double trouble are talking while drinking. catra begins to realize that maybe she was the one who left adora, and not the other way around.lots of angsty internal monologue, sweet yet haunting flashbacks, and heart-breaking realizations.*"because i dropped your hand while dancing,left you out there standing,crestfallen on the landing,champagne problems." ~champagne problems by taylor swift
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Double Trouble (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	champagne problems

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aheadfulloffollies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aheadfulloffollies/gifts).



> ari this is your official two week late christmas present :D i did a Fool by asking you to edit it but then i gave it an entire second part when you weren't looking so ;)

“Double Trouble, do you ever think about what we’re doing?” Catra looked down, regret clinging to her like shadows. She tipped her glass, staring down into the carmel liquid. Kyle, Lonnie, and Rogelio had just found a bottle of champagne while digging through Shadow Weaver's old stuff. One of the other cadets had gotten together enough glasses for all of them- a celebration of “how far they’d come.”

There was nothing to celebrate though. Everyone was constantly so happy and proud of themselves, and of their success so far. Sure, they’d won a few battles, but what were a couple cities and an edge? Etheria still stood.  _ Adora  _ still stood.

Catra wouldn’t rest as long as she did.

And yet… 

“What are you referring to in this instance?” Double Trouble lifted their own glass, curiosity sketching their features. 

What was that old saying?  _ Curiosity killed the cat. _

Double Trouble wasn’t exactly the trustworthy type after all, her position was so precarious… and they knew too much. Who knew what they could do with more information to hold?

She took another sip, and the bubbling liquid burned her throat. People seemed to rave about the taste, but she noticed nothing but the slight warm sensation. Catra didn’t taste much of anything these days. 

Adora’s expression while Catra cut the vines on the simulation cliff flashed in her vision. Her shock- the widened eyes and parted lips. Lips that had moments before mused about how she’d missed Catra. Her hands desperately gripping the vine… the same hands that had extended in offering. 

_ “Catra, help me, please…”  _

“She left me.” Catra declared out loud. The words were empty. A half-truth, a story with only one side. 

_ “I never wanted to leave you… you could come with me!” _

A growl tore itself from her throat, slamming the glass down.

“She  _ left  _ me.” Catra repeated with more force. “If she never wanted to leave me, then she wouldn’t have.” 

“Who are we talking about again?” Something in Double Trouble’s expression made Catra suspect they knew the answer already as they lazily tilted their head.

She bristled at the apparent indifference, but her words were low and pained as she whispered, “Adora.” 

A long sip.

“She told me to cover for her, she’d be right back.” Catra intended the words to be sharp, just the way they felt in her heart. To be cruel. She was over Adora after all, and far better than she was with her. She’d worked  _ so hard  _ to be better than her. To prove she didn’t need her.

But they came out aching.

“She didn’t come back.” The last thing Catra expected was the clog of tears, which she took as a challenge. Taking a harsh swallow, she willed the liquid to clear her throat before she continued. 

“She was gone  _ one day,  _ and she had a new life. New friends.”  _ It was like I didn’t even exist.  _ Even after everything they’d done together, all their life they’d lived.

“It was like you meant nothing to her.” Double Trouble’s words were a direct hit, and Catra physically flinched. 

Adora had been everything to her. 

When the only thing that matters to you leaves, what’s left?

And if you didn’t matter to anyone, then what are you?

She’d thought she mattered to Adora. They were a team, them against the world. Until suddenly, the team had become a party of one. Adora had new friends- a new team.

Sorry,  _ squad.  _

Adora, or at least She-Ra, mattered to  _ everyone.  _ But without Adora, Catra mattered to no one. 

Thus, Catra had to  _ make  _ herself matter. Become important.

“Like I meant nothing to her.” 

Double Trouble leaned forward, resting their chin on their palm. “And that’s why you’re fighting the Rebellion? Because Adora’s there?”

“No.” Catra spat, the implications that Catra only existed for Adora making her prickle. She’d worked so hard to make her own place- without Adora’s shadow. Adora couldn’t take this from her too. “It’s complicated, okay?”

Shadow Weaver, raising the same hand that caressed Adora to strike Catra, came to her mind. Fighting a tremble, Catra steadied her hands against the glass as she took another long sip. An ache was settling in her with each bit of champagne, though she doubted it had much to do with the drink itself. She actually wished the drink was stronger, but she didn’t know if she could bear walking in Shadow Weaver’s chamber again to dig around. 

Then Scorpia, whose kindness Catra had scorned, but only now realized how much she had relied on as she continued to put her down. She left her too. 

Entrapta, who had been nothing but supportive and helpful, but had  _ betrayed _ her for the princesses. A betrayal that Catra had given back in a much more painful way than it was received.

Adora again, her horror as Catra dropped off the cliff at the Princess Prom. And as she had let go and fallen into the portal, knowing that it would cause Adora pain. Every look and word that proved, despite Catra’s best efforts, Adora had still cared for her.

But then, her glare as she walked out of the portal, which still felt like a dagger stuck in Catra’s heart. Behind the anger, Catra had seen a reflection of something in her own eyes.

Hardened and hatred filled as they were, she saw it. Broken. 

Catra hadn’t realized how much she’d clung to Adora’s continued care until it was gone. 

_ “Come with me. You don’t have to go back there. We can fix this.” _

“She asked me to come with her.” Catra blurted, staring as if trying to burn a hole in her glass. 

Double Trouble’s eyebrows peaked in interest. “Go on.”

“I didn’t think she meant it, okay? When you flake on someone like that, it seems like too little too late.” She was getting worked up, her tail bristling as familiar anger joined the helpless sadness. 

_ “Come with me.”  _

Double Trouble’s unimpressed look humbled her and she sat back down, tail still drawing distressed motions. “But I wonder… what if it wasn’t.”

“Well, Kitten, she does seem awfully obsessed with you.”

“What did you say?” she demanded, unsure if the increase in speed of her heart was from fear or excitement of what she might hear.

“Catra this, Catra that.” They titled their head. “A lot like you, come to think of it.”

Catra growled, claws gripping the table in warning. 

“One would almost think she misses you, but that would be ridiculous, considering all you’ve told me.” The shapeshifter’s gaze held hers, a challenge. A small sliver of hope slipped through her crack, followed by a montage of memories.

Suddenly she was a child again, holding Adora’s hand as they admired beetles in the dirt of the Fright Zone and collected ants to put under Kyle’s covers. Playing pranks on the older recruits, which more often than not would end in a scuffle. Even when Catra picked pointless fights with force captains three times her size, Adora had her back. They would get matching black eyes, boasting and bickering over who had the better blue-black hues and comparing sizes. 

When Adora had gotten her first red jacket on her thirteenth birthday, Catra had immediately grabbed her hand and demanded permission to “make it cooler.” She’d been denied, but spent weeks persuading Adora to let her rip it up. Finally, Adora had conceded to a “little personalization,” but only after Catra pointed out they’d be matching- the little rips in her pants and on the sleeves of Adora’s jacket.

Training, where Catra first learned, after gossiping with other and older cadets, what it meant to want to kiss someone. Their faces had come almost to touching in a sparring match while they were grappling for a staff, hands clasped over each other. Adora was bright with the challenge, lips pursed and brows drawn in concentration around the gray-blue eyes Catra knew better than her own. A flush from the exertion was tinged on Adora’s cheeks, and as she gave Catra a small and secret smile despite their competing, she felt her heart flutter. Her grip went weak as Catra became overcome with the intense urge to lean forward just a tiny bit, to be even closer.

Their comfortable peace sitting together on the ramparts, whether it was in silence or rambling about everything under the sun. One day, only weeks before the attack on Thaymor, Catra had found a booklet in some box while on trash duty. “The Works of Shakespeare.” They’d spent an hour going through the old stories and laughing as they reenacted the plays, dramatically fainting and faking stabbing-death-by-stick all over the place. Their searching hands had found each other as they pretended to reach, outstretched on separate balconies. 

_ Come with me.  _ The attack on Thaymor. Her hand once more in Catra’s, just like always. This time, Catra had pulled away, leaving a crack behind for the first time.

Princess Prom, Adora had tried to hold onto her again, but once more, Catra let go. 

Then the She-Ra temple and the cliff. Adora had done nothing but tried to protect her, but as they’d raced through the halls, fingers entwined, bitterness welled up in Catra anyways. Another drop of the hand, another crack left behind.

Every battle they’d had that Catra had swung true but Adora had merely deflected was a hairline, a small break that amassed over time.

Perhaps… she had been the one to really leave Adora.

The realization shocked Catra, a rupture deep in her bones.

No.

_ No.  _

Adora had left  _ her.  _ The champagne was making her head foggy. She wasn’t thinking clearly. 

But… 

Catra slammed her cup down. Changing her mind, she brought it to her lips, knocking it back before standing abruptly.

“I have more important things to do than celebrate and chatter.” 

Double Trouble barely looked fazed, and Catra guessed that emotional outbursts were to be expected around her. She was a bomb always ready to go off, to be treated with caution.

The entire room quieted- she hadn’t noticed that there was a buzz around her until it was replaced with tense silence. She looked out over the other Horde members, who had frozen, some with drinks halfway to their lips. Her eyes met Lonnie’s, then Kyle’s, and Rogelio’s. Lonnie looked at her, something bordering on accusation behind the slight fear. 

They were a team, right? Teammates were evergreen. 

She saw them laughing in the halls without her, a new bond bright and strong between the three of them. Even Kyle, who had always been the odd one out, was right in the midst of them. 

And Catra was on the outside.

But as she looked between the stunned and scared faces of the three of them… she realized that she was the one who broke that too.

Fuck it.

Not waiting for any sort of signal or response, she stalked out the door.

Catra meant to walk right out and to her dormitory, but she couldn’t bear to see any other faces and what they might be thinking of her behind her back. So she paused beside the door, burying her head in her hands, trying to still her heavy breathing.

“All twisted in knots after Adora.” Someone- Lonnie?- was murmuring. Catra’s ears peaked and her head jerked in the direction of the door.

“They were always… close.” Kyle added. Rogelio made some reptilian nose of agreement.

“They still could be, but you know what I think? Catra scared her off.” Lonnie lowered her voice even more as she added. “Fucked in the head, that one is.”

Rogelio hissed, and Kyle shushed her. “What! You see how she walks around this place like a crazy woman, muttering to herself and ordering people around like she wasn’t just some cadet like the rest of us.” 

“She could hear you.” Kyle muttered, panicked.

“Oh knock it off Kyle, she’s not lurking around every corner. Don’t be paranoid.”

Forcing herself to breathe and walk away, Catra buried her hands in her hair, combing through the mass. Desperately she pulled, wondering what had happened to the girl with wild curly hair and flushed cheeks, running hand in hand with a sweet blonde in the crisp autumn air. Their laughter haunted her as she walked, and she pressed her hands against her ears until she was flat out running to her bunk.

_ Fucked in the head, that one is. _

She crashed to a halt against the lower bunk, hands curling into the hard mattress as her pants echoed. The room was mercifully empty.

Her eyes flicked up to the drawing she’d done years ago, her and Adora’s smiling faces, scratched through in rage. A sob clawed up her at the sight of it. It had been theirs, a testament to their friendship, and she’d shred it. 

Her mind might be making muddled connections from the alcohol, but she thought of a tapestry. It was something only princesses had, and she’d certainly never seen one. But from what she had heard, they were things of beauty, made to withstand time and tell a story.

Her and Adora were supposed to be a tapestry. Or at least, this silly little drawing was.

Catra wondered if Adora had a tapestry- a real one- in her honor. She was sure there were countless of She-ra, the hero of Etheria.

If Adora was the hero, what did that make Catra?

Tracing the outline of Adora’s face in the drawing, another tear slipped past Catra. She wouldn’t be surprised if Adora’s “Best Friend Squad,” had a tapestry. One of their heroics and the love they had for each other.

She almost hoped they did.

After all, if Catra was the one who broke things, didn’t Adora deserve people who could fix them?

One day Catra would be nothing but this scratched out drawing on a wall. The Rebels were going to win. They had She-Ra. The almighty princess.

They had Adora.

Curling herself into a ball on the bunk that was once Adora’s, Catra told herself that this was all the alcohol talking. Tomorrow she knew that the anger would be back, the familiar rage she clung to in an attempt to justify her actions. Anger was easier than sadness.

No matter who’d hurt who more, Adora had started this war, and Catra was going to finish it.

She had a goal. A purpose. One that, for once, she was doing for  _ her,  _ not Adora.

Destiny was hers to make, and nothing- not Adora, not her foolish regrets, not the “friends” who’d left or betrayed her- was going to change that. 

But, as she buried her face in the pillow that no longer smelled of Adora, she dared to dream about what would’ve happened if only she had said “yes.” 

**Author's Note:**

> this entire song just makes me SCREAM with these two. i really wish i could've included the line "your heart was glass, i dropped it" but catra doesn't ~ know ~ that adora loved her so it didn't really work in a natural way :( but anyways stream evermore and cry about catradora <3 (gold rush and long story short also works very well with them)


End file.
